I’m able to bring intense focus to things I do. I used to believe this was a strength. I still do. Yet over the past few years I’ve learned it can be damaging too.
I remember a session with my therapist. I described how sometimes my entire perspective felt confined to a single spreadsheet cell. My peripheral vision felt darkened, as if I was staring down a vent or pipe converging on the cell. I still feel the tension in my temples as I remember this.
I’m experiencing this a bit today too. I haven’t been sleeping well for the past few weeks. I’ve felt more tired than usual during the day. Fatigue brings with it this feeling of constricted vision too.
What I’m learning is this myopic focus also causes me to disconnect. I disconnect from everything going on around me. I disconnect from everyone around me. I disconnect from myself to some extent.
This makes sense now, since I understand the virtuous power of connection. Understanding connection’s virtous power helps me understand why I start experiencing uncomfortable emotions when focus hits unhealthy levels.
Like now. I’m struggling to finish this issue. I’m feeling completely cut off from the 10 or so people sharing workspace with me. I feel like a disconnected zombie.
I also realize pushing through to connect at times like this can feel uplifting. It helps prevent me from continuing to collapse inward.
So with the intention to do that, I’ll call this issue a wrap. Until next week…
How’s your focus? How does it impact your ability to connect in healthy ways?
Let me know by replying directly to this email.
Catch you next week, with my gratitude,